I used to think that hospitality was just opening the door for someone or offering them something to drink when they came to visit—or placing chocolates atop bed pillows at fancy hotels.
And then I interviewed Danny Meyer.
Hospitality stems from an others-centered mindset.
Danny Meyer has a brand promise of hospitality for good reason. As someone who has thought deeply and practiced hospitality intentionally—as an industry, a business practice, and as a way to show up in the world—his thoughts were, of course, more nuanced than my own. Here are a few that have stuck with me:
1. Hospitality is when something happens for you rather than to you.
The difference between those prepositions highlights the key mindset shift needed for true hospitality. Why do we open the door for someone or offer them something to drink? Because it would meet a need of theirs or serve them as a person. It lets them know that we see and care about them. Doing that well requires actually seeing, knowing and caring about them. What do they need today? What would serve them? Hospitality stems from an others-centered mindset.
2. Hospitality is a team sport.
In a restaurant, hospitality begins before the customer steps in the door and extends beyond the dining experience. Each member of the team plays their role. The host answers the phone and welcomes guests, waiters make sure customers are taken care of at the tables, chefs create flawless food. One person alone cannot create or be responsible for extending care to guests. How can you get your team to work well together? It starts when the leader first cares for the team. Does your team know that you are for them? Can you hire, engage and inspire your team in such a way that they, in turn, care for each other and the people they reach?
3. Hospitality isn’t about being right.
After years of struggling with the adage that “the customer is always right,” I was encouraged by Danny’s response that it’s not about the customer being right, so much as the customer feeling heard. Rather than argue with customers over whether the wine is a California wine, or the sauce has the right amount of sweetness, Danny and his team listen for what matters to that individual. In doing so, he and his team engage in dialogue to make others feel heard. In the process, they also learn what might be useful to integrate into their own next steps. What might we learn from each other if, instead of focusing on whether the other is right or wrong, we wondered: Why do we see it differently? What might we learn from the other person?
Hospitality is an industry. It is also how we treat each other—in our own industries, communities and families.
4. Hospitality matters in all contexts.
Hospitality is an industry. It is also how we treat each other—in our own industries, communities and families. How do we make decisions and engage with one another in a way that is for each other? This mindset and approach applies even, or especially, when things are difficult. Danny notes, “The road to success is paved with mistakes well-handled.”
Hospitality, like life, isn’t about being perfect. It’s about handling things well—being aware of and acknowledging the impact we’re having on others, owning our actions with apologies as needed and taking actions to help others—ideally, with additional generosity.
Elaine Lin Hering
Managing Partner | Triad Consulting Group4 Hospitality Rules I Learned from Danny Meyer
Published November 5, 2018TOPICS IN THIS ARTICLE
CultureLeading OrganizationsProcessI used to think that hospitality was just opening the door for someone or offering them something to drink when they came to visit—or placing chocolates atop bed pillows at fancy hotels.
And then I interviewed Danny Meyer.
Danny Meyer has a brand promise of hospitality for good reason. As someone who has thought deeply and practiced hospitality intentionally—as an industry, a business practice, and as a way to show up in the world—his thoughts were, of course, more nuanced than my own. Here are a few that have stuck with me:
1. Hospitality is when something happens for you rather than to you.
The difference between those prepositions highlights the key mindset shift needed for true hospitality. Why do we open the door for someone or offer them something to drink? Because it would meet a need of theirs or serve them as a person. It lets them know that we see and care about them. Doing that well requires actually seeing, knowing and caring about them. What do they need today? What would serve them? Hospitality stems from an others-centered mindset.
2. Hospitality is a team sport.
In a restaurant, hospitality begins before the customer steps in the door and extends beyond the dining experience. Each member of the team plays their role. The host answers the phone and welcomes guests, waiters make sure customers are taken care of at the tables, chefs create flawless food. One person alone cannot create or be responsible for extending care to guests. How can you get your team to work well together? It starts when the leader first cares for the team. Does your team know that you are for them? Can you hire, engage and inspire your team in such a way that they, in turn, care for each other and the people they reach?
3. Hospitality isn’t about being right.
After years of struggling with the adage that “the customer is always right,” I was encouraged by Danny’s response that it’s not about the customer being right, so much as the customer feeling heard. Rather than argue with customers over whether the wine is a California wine, or the sauce has the right amount of sweetness, Danny and his team listen for what matters to that individual. In doing so, he and his team engage in dialogue to make others feel heard. In the process, they also learn what might be useful to integrate into their own next steps. What might we learn from each other if, instead of focusing on whether the other is right or wrong, we wondered: Why do we see it differently? What might we learn from the other person?
4. Hospitality matters in all contexts.
Hospitality is an industry. It is also how we treat each other—in our own industries, communities and families. How do we make decisions and engage with one another in a way that is for each other? This mindset and approach applies even, or especially, when things are difficult. Danny notes, “The road to success is paved with mistakes well-handled.”
Hospitality, like life, isn’t about being perfect. It’s about handling things well—being aware of and acknowledging the impact we’re having on others, owning our actions with apologies as needed and taking actions to help others—ideally, with additional generosity.
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About the Author
Elaine Lin Hering
Managing PartnerTriad Consulting Group
Elaine has worked on six continents and with a wide range of clients in corporate, government, and nonprofit organizations where she has diagnosed challenges and built management capacity in negotiation, influence, and conflict management skills. She has trained political officials, union leaders, instructors at military academies, and educated leaders at Fortune 500 companies including American Express, Capital One, Google, Merck, Nike, Shell, Pixar, the Red Cross, and Workday. Known for her cross-cultural fluency and ability to educate across power and difference, Elaine has worked with coal miners at BHP Billiton, micro-finance organizers in East Africa, mental health professionals in China, and been a speaker at multiple conferences ranging from the World Business Dialogue in Germany to the Auschwitz Institute on Peace and Reconciliation. She currently coaches women and minorities navigating executive leadership in majority white spaces. She has facilitated executive education programs at Harvard, Dartmouth, UC Berkeley, UCLA and Tufts, as well as served as the Advanced Training Director for the Harvard Mediation Program. Prior to joining the faculty at Harvard, Elaine taught negotiation and mediation at Monash Law School in Melbourne, Australia and was a Senior Consultant for Conflict Management Australasia, helping them expand their practice in the region. She is the author of the forthcoming book Unlearning Silence.